I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had sex on a roof
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
