You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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