If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
