she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
