she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
