I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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