apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
