she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
