Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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