literally had 100 drinks last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
PANTIES FOUND
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
