I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
