Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
