DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
