The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
