i need an iv and a liver transplant
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
