The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
