i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
