Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
