Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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