Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
