i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
