I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
