You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
