I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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