he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
