I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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