he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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