If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
