Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
