What a fucking waste of an outfit
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
