So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
