Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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