I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
