Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
