our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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