Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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