Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
