I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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