He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
