Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
