i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
