Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
