quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
