God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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