The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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