May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish you could order shots online.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
