hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My vagina is very pro this idea
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
