You made me cry and you don't even care
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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