trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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