thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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