I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my liver is dry heaving
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