I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
