please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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